


Leeway

by stardropdream



Category: xxxHoLic
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-19
Updated: 2013-02-19
Packaged: 2017-11-29 19:34:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/690640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardropdream/pseuds/stardropdream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doumeki comes to visit Himawari, in Watanuki's stead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leeway

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on LJ February 21, 2010. 
> 
> Spoilers for chapter 199.

He takes the train up north that weekend. It’s hard, most days, because he doesn’t want her to be left behind, or lonely, but he worries whenever he has to leave his side. His hand strays to his pocket, feeling the familiar weight of the egg waiting for him, just as it always was.   
  
He knows the campus well now, as if he goes to the university himself. He walks across it without getting lost, finds where she is living and moves through the hallways and up the stairs until she finds her floor. There are girls there that he recognizes from his many trips, and they recognize him, smiling and giggling at him as he walks by. He catches their whispers (“Himawari-chan’s boyfriend is here again. She’s so lucky!”) as he moves but doesn’t speak with them unless they say hello to him.   
  
“Does Himawari-chan know you’re coming?” they ask him.  
  
“Yeah,” he says.  
  
“She’ll be happy to see you, then!” they say with small, wistful sighs.   
  
He knocks on her door.   
  
She opens it shortly afterward, smiling up at him when she sees who it is. “Doumeki-kun,” she greets, eyes soft, “Hello.”  
  
“Hey,” he greets and steps inside when she opens the door wider for him. He shrugs off his jacket and drapes it over the back of her chair and sets the bag he was holding down. She shuts the door, flipping the lock and turning back towards him, watching him as he looks around, taking in the room he already knew so well.  
  
There were boxes stacked on her roommate’s side of the room, tucked up against the bed, stripped bare next to the empty desk.   
  
Himawari feels his eyes on it and says, “My roommate’s moving out.”  
  
She doesn’t say why, but he can already guess. He turns his attention back towards her and she smiles. He motions towards the bag.   
  
“Thank you,” she says.   
  
“They’re from that guy,” he says.   
  
“Please, sit down,” Himawari insists and Doumeki sits down on her bed, feels the soft pillowing of the duvet under his weight. He watches her as she brings the bag over to her desk and empties it, regarding everything with such care, as if she was afraid simply looking at it would shatter everything. “Thank you for coming up on such short notice.”  
  
“It’s fine,” he says. Even if it makes him slightly uneasy, he likes visiting her. What he doesn’t like is how sad she seems, how far away she is from Watanuki. There are so many things he would say, if he could.   
  
Instead, he watches her take off the lid of a package of food Watanuki made for her. He’d yelled at Doumeki not to sneak any bites—as if Doumeki would take something meant for her.   
  
She looks up, and their eyes lock. “Would you like some?”  
  
“Sure,” he says, and she gets out two plates for the two of them.   
  
They eat in silence before Himawari asks the question she always asks—“How is he?”  
  
And he tells her. He tells her everything with as few of words as he can, because it’s hard to speak and not say what he really wants to say. He tells her even the mundane things that under normal circumstances no one would care to know, but he knew that Himawari clung to every word, recognizing it for how precious it truly was.   
  
He speaks of the costumers, of Kohane, of school, of the way everything looks now. He tells her about Watanuki, both wants and does not want to tell her—because she needs to know, wants to know, but every time she learns her face dims just a little bit more, her eyes staring up at him with impossible sadness that should not belong to someone so young. And he knows that she can read his face, too, see what sadness he harbors as well.  
  
“Doumeki-kun…” she says after they have lapsed into a still silence. He looks up at her, but she shakes her head, standing and taking the empty plates back over to the desk. She’ll wash them later, after he’s gone.  
  
“Are you okay?” he asks her back, and watches the way her shoulders stiffen only slightly, watches as she brushes at her black hair a moment before turning around to face him.  
  
“School’s been okay,” she says, purposefully avoiding what he is really asking.  
  
“Are you lonely?” he asks.  
  
She smiles at him. “No.”   
  
She walks over to him, not speaking. He stays seated, tilting his head back to look at her. Their eyes remained locked, but neither speak.   
  
Her eyes flicker a moment before she shifts, leaning down. He moves up to meet her.   
  
Himawari kisses him, her lips soft against his, hesitant but present, pressing against his mouth and letting him press back. Her hand touches his cheek, briefly, before she remembers herself and pulls it away again.  
  
She pulls back, and the smile returns. “For Watanuki-kun.”  
  
“Hn,” Doumeki agrees, and feels that his chest has constricted too much in the last few minutes. She looks too sad.  
  
He turns to leave, picking up his coat and slipping into it. When he turns back to say goodbye, Himawari is closer than she was before, taking a tentative step to him with that small smile of hers.   
  
His expression softens a little and her smile warms, almost looks real.  
  
He nods, understanding. He’s not sure how it came to be that he became the one to pass on their messages to one another, but it’s something he takes upon himself, even when it is painful at times. He wants to lean her down, press her to the bed and show her everything that Watanuki would do for her, everything that he, himself, would do for her. But he does not, and he isn’t sure what she would do if he were to do that—to kiss her and move his hands over her, to make her tilt and arch and cry out for him, or for Watanuki.   
  
So he does nothing.   
  
She’s watching him.   
  
She leans up and kisses him again, touching his shoulder so she can angle her head and kiss him properly. He stoops slightly, touching the back of her neck, cradling her jaw.  
  
She pulls back, and this time her smile is both happy and sad, something that he’s not quite sure how she accomplishes. “And one for Doumeki-kun, too.”  
  
“Hn,” Doumeki grunts, and smooths his hand over her hair briefly, fingers tangling in the curling strands. “I’ll visit soon.”  
  
“Please don’t trouble yourself needlessly,” Himawari says. “Have a safe trip.”  
  
“You’re never any trouble,” he says, and means it. She doesn’t say anything, but her smile is grateful that he says nothing more.  
  
He leaves her after that, even if he wants to stay, and does not look back even when he can feel her eyes on his back.


End file.
